Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did I show you my penis last night?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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