I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
