69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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