ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize