I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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