Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
