I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
