I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize