farters have to be the big spoon...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
