evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I will die if light touches me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
