my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
