I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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