I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
