I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
