I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
