What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
