Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think my moral compass just broke
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
