apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
