i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize