Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
