I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
