I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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