I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize