not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
