The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize