At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
