Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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