there was a trapeze. enough said
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
