I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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