I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
