i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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