Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
