I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
