I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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