i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
