You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
