addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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