I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
