Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
