You're my little dorito
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
