she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
