i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
