sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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