That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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