It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
