Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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