He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
