your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
