We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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