you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
