life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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