one might say we're banned from that church
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
