There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
