Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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