ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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