I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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