My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's like iHOP with fire
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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