True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
