If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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