Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
