When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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