well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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