the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
