I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize