Well apparently he's into motor boating.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He told me they were just razor bumps!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
