Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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