I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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