I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
