found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I queefed so loud it echoed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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