Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
