I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
