"it" just moved
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize