I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't turn off my feet"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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