i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
