This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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