so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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