I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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