Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
