come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
