He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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