Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
