allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
