If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
