but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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