Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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