I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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