wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
