Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
