The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize