I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
