I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
