You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
