We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
