I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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