Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
