Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Even my vagina gasped.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
