Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
