one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
