Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
