The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
