The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
