You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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