porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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