Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found your dick twin last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
