i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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