Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
