why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
