You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sober January is a disaster.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
