Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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