Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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