OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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