just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
