I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
id be glad to
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
